Journal of a Troubled Boy

Title: Drunk
Rating: R for language
Pairing: Real Person Slash, John Breggar and Adamo Ruggiero
Summary: John thanks Adamo is girly. Adamo's response is "Fuck you". John is down with that.
Author's Note: I saw them on ET Canada and have been dying to write this since. Don't stone me! I am well aware of John's straightness and Adamo's unknown status.


They'd just finished filming Free Fallin' Part 1 and both were bored and had nothing to do, so they decided to hit the town together. After getting thoroughly drunk neither were able to drive but Adamo's place wasn't far from the bar. They stumbled their way there with their arms thrown across each others' shoulders singing Why by Annie Lennox.

One woman's stare caused John to shout out to her, "Hey lady you want a picture of me and my boy! It'll last longer!"

"Shush!" Adamo giggled.

"What?" John mumbled. "She shouldn't stare! What the hell is she doing out here at two in the morning?"

"Yeah who walks down the street at two in the morning?" Adamo agreed.

"She looked young- she even had braces. Remember when you had braces..." John exploded into a fit of giggles.

Adamo poked him in the cheek. "Shut up. Oh good, we're here. I almost passed it."

"That's because you're drunk my friend," John stated while Adamo fiddled with his key, having trouble getting it into the lock. "Here."

John covered Adamo's tiny hand with his large one and turned it slightly. The key slid in the whole and after turning it again the door was unlocked.

"Thanks," Adamo said, looking down at John's hand. It always seemed so pale next to Adamo's tan skin.

"No problem," John shrugged, removing his hand.

Adamo took hold of his arm. "Now my dad isn't here and my mom sleeps like a rock but you have to be quiet okay. I don't want her to wake up- she always gives me shit when I'm drink."

John nodded.

They tip toed up to Adamo's room where John fell onto the bed while Adamo closed the door.

"Scoot over," Adamo whined. He pushed John roughly and climbed onto the bed next to him. "You're so big- you're taking up my bed you cave man!"

"Sorry I don't have a little girly body like your's," John complained.

"My body is not girly," Adamo protested.

"You have a girly everything," John informed him as another giggle fit came on.

"Fuck you," was Adamo's heated response.

"Okay," John said happily. He reached for his belt buckle. In his drunken stooper it took him a minute to un-do his pants and once he was through he leaned in towards Adamo, reaching towards the other boys crotch area.

Adamo shoved his hands away. "John what the fuck are you doing?"

"I'm going to fuck you," he said, like it was no big deal.

John cupped the back of Adamo's neck and pulled him in for a sloppy, open mouthed kiss. Adamo closed his eyes, loving the feel of John's large tongue and the taste of alcohol in his mouth. He was brought back to reality when he felt a hand tugging his jean zipper down.

Adamo pulled away from John and slapped at his hand. "What are we doing? You're straight."

"Who cares," John reasoned. "I want you- I think I have for a long time and I've noticed the way you look at me so why don't we just give in."

Adamo raised an eyebrow at him. "But you're straight."

"Is anyone really straight or gay these days," John said like it was a thought he'd had in his head for a long time.

Adamo shook his head, trying to clear it. "You are so drunk."

John circled an arm around Adamo's body and pressed it flush against his. Adamo's eyes widened at the feeling of John's large, erect penis.

"We shouldn't be doing this," Adamo pleaded while his neck arched at the feeling of John's hot, wet tongue.

"We're drunk though," John remarked. "We can get away with it."

Adamo moaned as John's hand entered his pants and gave a gentle squeeze to what he found there.

"Hmng... John?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you going to pretend this didn't happen when you sober up?"

"Probably, why?"

"Phew, no worries- I was just checking."

~FIN~

Title: No
Rating: R
Summary: This is a Degrassi slash fic. Marco and Dylan's "closure" sex gets a little rough. Takes place after Moonlight Desires.
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em. Don't own the song lyrics either.
A/N: Sequel to my fic Stillness. Lyrics are by Shakira and from her beautiful song No.

No, don't try to apologize
Don't play the game of persistence
Excuses existed before you did

Dylan grabs my wrist and restrains my hands above my head. He presses his body against mine in order to pin me to the door and I ask myself why I had to attack him and give him just cause to touch me like this. His touch sickens my heart yet still manages to entice my body. I hate him, I hate him, I hate him...

No, don't look at me like you did before,
Don't talk in plural
Rhetoric is your most lethal weapon

"Marco, please," Dylan begs. The pain in his voice only enrages me more. What right does he have to feel pain? He is to blame for this break up- not me.

"Let go of me!" I shriek into his face and I am satisfied when he rewards me with a flinch.
"I don't know if I can," he croaks. The double meaning makes it's way into my heart and I can barely surpress the sob that tries to rise out of me.

I'm going to ask you not to come back ever again
I feel that you are still hurting me here,
Inside

I shake my head. "You already have."

He shakes his head back at me defiantly and before I know it his lips are planted roughly against mine. He taste like cherry coke. Dylan doesn't like cherry coke. Thoughts of the taste in his mouth coming from another man make the furry rise within me again and I find myself biting his lower lip so hard that I taste blood. Dylan lets go of my hands and steps away from me in shock as he raises a hand to his face.

His blue eyes swim with dis-belief. I don't know why but the look on his face causes me to start laughing- laughing so un-controllably that I find myself doubling over with watery eyes. After a few seconds Dylan looks like he can't take much more of the insanity and he grabs both of my upper arms, roughly. He shakes me roughly as well. "What the hell is wrong with you?" He demands of me.

"You!" I spit back at him. "I've never loved and hated someone so much at the same time you bastard!"

And that at your age you should know well
What it's like to break someone's heart like this

Before I know what I'm doing I'm pulling him down by his shirt collar and taking his lips in mine again. This time when I bite I do it slightly gentler and he moans against my lips. It doesn't take long for him to toss me onto my bed and once he has me where he wants me he proceeds to pulling off my clothes quickly. We begin our love making like armagedon is coming and our time is running out; but the end of the world is not really what we are racing against, we are racing against the ending of us.

No, one can't live with so much venom
The hope your love gives me
No one else gave me
I swear, I'm not lying

He is not gentle with me, not even remotely. He bites, and scratches, and grips just the way I want him to. The pain morphs into pleasure and for a few blissful moments in time my intense heart ache becomes numbed. I don't realise until he's inside of me that I am crying and have been crying since we began. "Don't stop," I moan. On the inside I am thinking don't ever stop- keep going, keep hurting me, keep pleasuring me, keep our bodies enter locked forever.

No, one can't live with so much venom
One shouldn't devote the soul
To collecting attempts
Rage weighs more than cement

It ends though, because it has to, and when he pulls away I feel a part of me leaving my body with him.
I'm going to ask you not to come back ever again
I feel that you still can hurt me here,
Inside

He dresses, his back facing me while I sob. When he finally turns around he turns to give me one kiss on the for head. Just one kiss, then he is gone and I am left with nothing but my heart ache and the marks he has left upon my skin.

And that at your age you should know well
What it's like to break someone's heart like this

I contemplate showering before I go to sleep, but I can't bring myself to wash the stench of him from me. I just lay back and hope that some day this pain inside will subside.

No, one can't live with so much venom
The hope your love gave me
No one else gave me
I swear, I'm not lying

No, one can't die with so much venom
One shouldn't devote the soul
To collecting attempts
Rage weighs more than cement

No, one can't live with so much venom

No, one can't live with so much venom

No

No

Title: Stillness
Rating: NC-17
Summary: This is a Degrassi slash fic. It is centered on Marco and Dylan and takes place directly after the shooting episode Time Stands Still from Season 4 of Degrassi.
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em. Don't own the song lyrics either. I'm such uh mooch!
A/N: This story is a little darker than I'm use to writing. I admit that I love fluff, but I thought it was time to try something knew and I hope that the readers enjoy it. The bits and pieces of lyrics featured in the fic are from the song Weapon by Mathew Good band.

These mindless games I've played with the fragile hearts of others are starting to make my heart feel stale. How many sorrys’ can one man say before they fall on deaf ears and become meaningless? I look back on all the scrawny boys I called faggot before I was graced with the nick name myself. Beating them down to build myself up and attempting to escape my own insecurities in my cruelty towards them.

Marco sits and stares out the window of my car. He says he doesn't want to get out of the car. He's been sitting, staring out the damn window for nearly thirty minutes now and I have no idea what to say, what to do. He asks questions I can't answer like, "Why Jimmy?" and "How could we let things go this far with Rick?” I can tell he feels guilty and maybe he should. Maybe they all should.

After a while I'm starting to get the feeling that my hand squeezing his and my obedient silence isn't helping. I try prompting him. "It's alright if you don't know what to say. In fact it is a rule in this sort of situation, not knowing what to say. Just the fact that you are there for him will show him how much you care. He needs that now, more than we can know."

"Okay Dylan," Marco agrees. He takes in some air and pulls his hand away from mine. "I'm ready."

Jimmy looks better than the last time I saw him when I brought Paige to the hospital. I wait out side of his room this time. It is far too crowded with emotion for me as Marco, Craig, and Ashley linger over Jimmy's bed side giving him hearty words of hope. My heart nearly tore in half for him when we discovered that he'd lost the ability to walk, although, it could have been much worse.

I wait and wait for him. The minutes stretch into over an hour until the lot of them is shooed away by a nurse that claims Jimmy needs his rest. "Weird that Hazel wasn't here today," Marco notes, as he takes his favored place with my arm wrapped around his shoulders. He snuggles close to me in the hospital elevator and I can sense the warmth that has been born within him thanks to the visit.

"Hopefully she's finally gotten some sleep. This whole ordeal has really drained her. Paige is crazy-worried about her," I explain.

"I can't imagine how I'd react if something like this ever happened to you," Marco admits.

I nod, but can't manage to bring my thoughts to my lips. When my mom had first called me- frantic about the news that came on TV right after the shooting- all I could think about was my sister and boyfriend. Luckily, I was able to reach Marco on his cell phone and my mother got a hold of Paige as well. The overwhelming fear that had entered my heart subsided quickly, but I never want to even imagine what could have followed that already horrible pain in my heart if something had happened to Marco.

The first time I held him after the shooting it was so precious- like it was the first embrace I'd ever received. I don't think I've been more thankful for any one moment in my life. It is one of the stillest memories in my head, like a snap shot. Nothing compares to it- except for maybe the face Marco made when I first entered his body. Both moments are un-forgettable.

"Dylan?" Marco asks, causing my thoughts to fall away.

"Yeah baby?"

"Can we go somewhere tonight, just the two of us?"

I'm taken back a bit by this question. When Marco and I are together it is mostly just the two of us, unless one of us states other wise, so it is rarely a phrase we use with each other. Unless, we are asking for something you don't usually just ask for out loud; at least not when you are in a relationship with the extremely bashful Marco Del Rossi.

"I didn't think you'd be in the mood for... "Alone time" this week end," I reason.

Marco shrugs. "I didn't either, but thoughts of alone time keep creeping up in my head. Is it wrong that through this whole situation I haven't been able to get you-know-what out of my head?"

"Not at all," I assure Marco. "Part of me has been longing to feel your skin against mine so badly..."

Marco blushes at my bluntness. "So, you think you can get the van tonight? We could go to that spot near the beach that you like."

"I thought you didn't like se- I mean "alone time" out doors," I question. "Last time you were all paranoid about on lookers."

Marco shakes his head. "What can I say? I'm in an out doorsie mood."

I smile. "I guess even prudes like you have to live a little fun now and then."

"Hey!" Marco exclaims and elbows me in the gut.

~~~

Here by my side an angel
here by my side the devil
never turn your back on me
never turn your back on me again
here by my side it's heaven

Later that night, beneath the stars and the roof of my parents van, I lay a top Marco. He moans and arches his back as I take his right nipple in my mouth. He shivers when I nibble on it just the way he likes it. I'm not very patient tonight, trailing my tongue down his torso in record time.

here by my side you are destruction
here by my side a knew color to paint the world
ooh
never turn your back on it
never turn your back on it again
here by my side it's heaven

I find Marco's cock hard and oozing on his belly when I reach my destination. I trail a finger up the side of his cock and dirty the tip of my finger with his pre-come. I put it in my mouth and lick it clean. Marco squirms just the way I like him too. I can tell from the wideness of his eyes that he is desperately imagining my mouth licking something else clean and who am I to deprive him?

Be careful, be careful
careful, be careful

I grip his cock at the base with one hand and I take the head in my mouth. I give it a good suck and I'm rewarded with Marco's gasp of pleasure. I try to take more of it in my mouth but he grips my shoulders and raises me from my position- signaling that he isn't in the mood for four play any more.

And you breathe in and you breathe out
for it
and you show it
how it makes you a weapon

I make my way back up his figure and press my body against his, causing us both to moan. He surprises me by wrapping his legs around me and turning us over. He places his hands on either side of my head and presses his lips very close to my ear. "Dylan- I want you to fuck me tonight. I don't want our sex to be slow and sweet and timid. I want it to be rough. I need it to be rough. I want you to make me hurt."

and you give in and you give out
for it
and you show it
how it makes you a weapon

I freeze, un-sure of how to react to this darkly intimate request; especially when it is coming from my Marco's lips. It is so un-likely of a thing for him to want. It is a little frightening- what he is asking of me. However, I have to admit, that it is also quite the turn on.

never turn your back on it
never turn your back on it
again

I don't have time to deny or accept his request before he's already un-wrapped the condom. He sits back on the upper part of my legs so that he can maneuver putting the condom on me and then applying a generous amount of lube to my condom covered cock. Shortly after this he scoots up and slowly allows me to fill him. I grip his hips and let out a ragged breath. It's just as tight and hot inside Marco as it was the first time we made love. I practically have to imagine Spinner Mason doing incredibly naughty things to my mother to keep myself from coming the minute I fill him.

Marco makes a bunch of those little noises that turn me on so much as he starts to rock his hips. My fingers are digging into his hips when he reaches for my wrist. He has me place my hands on the small of his back. I'm not sure of what he is asking of me until he moans out to me, "Scratch." I dutifully oblige, trailing my hands up his back, digging my nails into it just below his shoulders, and then I scratch my way back down to the bottom.

I'm so lost in the feeling of my movements inside of my boyfriend that I can hardly comprehend how brutally he wishes me to treat him. First, he tells me, "Deeper,” referring to my scratching. Then, he has us change positions again. He insists upon me thrusting in and out of him faster and harder. Faster and harder, until I feel like I am stabbing into him- cutting into his body; leaving tears within him that say in some kind of sexual, primal way that he has been marked as mine.

He comes quickly after I spiral into orgasm myself and in the wake of our exceedingly rough love making I am left feeling oddly guilty. I knew Marco had to be hurting. Why had I let myself get so swept up in our "rough" sex? I wasn't really so turned on by this... was I?

Marco lies stiffly next to me, hugging him self. "I'm sorry I got so carried away," he says in barely a whisper. "I just needed to feel something. I've been so numb- I just wanted to- you know?"

I stay silent because I'm not sure that I do know. Silence fills the car and I am overwhelmed by the emotions inside of me that follow. I can feel this moment taking hold inside of me- it is one that I will not be able to escape; another moment to add to the still snap shots inside my head.


THE END ~A/N: I do believe a sequel is in order. If I get a nice set of reviews, so please review!